BEST COMEBACK RESPONSE OF THE YEAR

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility...

Q: 'Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?

A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?

A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.

Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?

A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.

Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?

A: 'Yes sir, we do!

Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?

A: 'Yes sir, I do.

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?

A: 'Yes sir.

Q: 'Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?

A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line!

Time-lapse video of the Northern Lights Boing Boing

Time-lapse video of the Northern Lights Boing Boing

Kim Peek, Inspiration for ‘Rain Man,’ Dies at 58 - Obituary (Obit) - NYTimes.com

Kim Peek, Inspiration for ‘Rain Man,’ Dies at 58 - Obituary (Obit) - NYTimes.com

SEX AFTER DEATH

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact,

"Marion ... Marion "

"Is that you, Bob?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course .. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have s**e**x a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh, Bob you must be in Heaven!"

"Not exactly ... I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona .

AMPATUAN MASSACRE: From the time he gave himself up in Shariff Aguak to the time he landed in Villamor Airbase, massacre suspect Andal Ampatuan Jr. was never in handcuffs. The special treatment begins! Kung ordinary citizen si Jr, may kasamang sampal at tadyak pa yan from the relatives of the victims and covered live over ABS-CBN.

Justice for the Victims of the Ampatuan Massacre!

Ampatuan charged with multiple murder

Welcome news! Let's see where this will lead to. With Jr Ampatuan in custody, expect every Juan, Kulas, and Kulaspiro fence-sitters to come out of the woodwork to say their inane pieces. I just pray that the Filipino people will not get lost and confused by all the incoming chatter and forget what this is all about: 57 (and counting) people massacred by the Ampatuans! Oh yes, I forgot to mention that Sr Ampatuan is still free to manipulate things and pull strings to get his Jr free. Me thinks that the Sr is more astute and clever than the Jr! Watch out people!

They even buried the vehicles!

GMA and her Palace hacks have their work cut out for them. How on earth can they spin the Ampatuan Massacre in way that the Ampatuans are not involved in this carnage? Nothing happens in Maguindanao without their knowledge and approval. The Filipino people will not settle for a few minor scapegoats and sacrificial lambs. We demand the head of no less than Zaldy Ampatuan Jr.

The Ampatuan Massacre

News and developments of the Ampatuan Massacre gets worse everyday. The last count was 57, I think. And it was not just the killing, which is bad enough, but the mutilation, the rape, the torture. Lila de Lima was correct when she called them animals. On second thought, my apologies to animals because they kill for a legitimate reason.

In the photo are GMA and the Ampatuans praying for divine guidance on how to properly and effectively cover up for the Ampatuan Massacre.

The Professional Heckler

CNN has named Efren Peñaflorida of the Philippines Hero of the Year. Already a top 10 finalist, Efren was shocked when CNN anchor Anderson Cooper declared him the winner. And he was shocked even more when, while accepting the award, Chavit Singson went on stage and stood beside him.

Beware of the Effects of Beer!

Randy has broken his leg and his buddy Mike comes over to see him. Mike says, "How you doin?" 

"Randy says, "Okay, but do me a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing."

Mike goes upstairs and sees Randy's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters lying on the bed.

He says, "Your dad's sent me up here to have sex with both of you."

They say, "Get away with ya.... prove it." 

Mike shouts downstairs, "Randy, both of em?"

Randy shouts back, "Of course both of em, what's the point of fuckin one?"

PINOY MATH

A woman says to her mother: 'I'm divorcing Pedro... all  he wants is anal sex and my asshole is now the size of a 50 cent coin when it used to be the size of a 5 cent coin.' 

Mother responds:  'You're married to a millionaire  lawyer ...you live in an 8 bedroom mansion in Ayala Alabang, you drive a Mercedes 300SEL; you get P20,000 a week allowance; you take 6 vacations a year and you want to throw all that away for 45 cents?'

Mother knows best.

During an IRS audit, the auditor looked at the tax payer and exclaimed...

... "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, and urinates all over the desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."

In the Pacquiao-Mayweather fight, the sharing should be AT LEAST 60-40 in favor of Manny. The catch-weight should be at 145, nothing heavier. Let Mayweather sweat and work for his money. He brings nothing to the table except his big mouth. Oh yes, and that of his father.

Marcos entry prompts Left to review alliance with NP

Satur Ocampo was imprisoned and tortured during the Martial Law regime of Marcos. He was released and politically rehabilitated after the EDSA Revolution led by Cory Aquino. Now, for political expediency, he's thinking of forming a "tactical alliance" with Bongbong Marcos, the son of the dictator who imprisoned and tortured him and shunned the offered alliance by Noynoy "Aquino, the son of the person responsible for his rehabilitation. Why? Marcos (and his NP ally Villar) have oodles of money, something Aquino and the LP don't have. Strange brew indeed - NP - KBL - NDF!

The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt. Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 95% when the belt is properly installed. Please see photo for correct installation.

Oxford Word of the Year 2009

Oxford Word of the Year 2009: UNFRIEND

UNFRIEND – verb – To remove someone as a ‘friend’ on a social networking site such as Facebook.
 
As in, “I decided to unfriend my roommate on Facebook after we had a fight.”

Light Bites

Light Bites: From Somewhere
Manny Pacquiao: Pacman
Mommy Dionisia: Pacmom
Krista Ranillo: Pacbet (Pambansang Ka__)

KRISTIE KENNEY bids farewell. She will be missed for the simple humanity and sympathetic energy with which she changed our expectations of what a US Ambassador can be. From "The Ugly American" to "An American Beauty". She has done both our nations proud. As America is in the heart, Kristie Kenney is from the heart of America! (And anyway, millions of Fil-Ams will welcome you Home!): Re-posted from Dean Jorge Bocobo's FB page. Sorry Dean but I couldn't have said it better!