SEX AFTER DEATH

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact,

"Marion ... Marion "

"Is that you, Bob?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course .. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have s**e**x a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh, Bob you must be in Heaven!"

"Not exactly ... I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona .

AMPATUAN MASSACRE: From the time he gave himself up in Shariff Aguak to the time he landed in Villamor Airbase, massacre suspect Andal Ampatuan Jr. was never in handcuffs. The special treatment begins! Kung ordinary citizen si Jr, may kasamang sampal at tadyak pa yan from the relatives of the victims and covered live over ABS-CBN.

Justice for the Victims of the Ampatuan Massacre!

Ampatuan charged with multiple murder

Welcome news! Let's see where this will lead to. With Jr Ampatuan in custody, expect every Juan, Kulas, and Kulaspiro fence-sitters to come out of the woodwork to say their inane pieces. I just pray that the Filipino people will not get lost and confused by all the incoming chatter and forget what this is all about: 57 (and counting) people massacred by the Ampatuans! Oh yes, I forgot to mention that Sr Ampatuan is still free to manipulate things and pull strings to get his Jr free. Me thinks that the Sr is more astute and clever than the Jr! Watch out people!

They even buried the vehicles!

GMA and her Palace hacks have their work cut out for them. How on earth can they spin the Ampatuan Massacre in way that the Ampatuans are not involved in this carnage? Nothing happens in Maguindanao without their knowledge and approval. The Filipino people will not settle for a few minor scapegoats and sacrificial lambs. We demand the head of no less than Zaldy Ampatuan Jr.

The Ampatuan Massacre

News and developments of the Ampatuan Massacre gets worse everyday. The last count was 57, I think. And it was not just the killing, which is bad enough, but the mutilation, the rape, the torture. Lila de Lima was correct when she called them animals. On second thought, my apologies to animals because they kill for a legitimate reason.

In the photo are GMA and the Ampatuans praying for divine guidance on how to properly and effectively cover up for the Ampatuan Massacre.

The Professional Heckler

CNN has named Efren Peñaflorida of the Philippines Hero of the Year. Already a top 10 finalist, Efren was shocked when CNN anchor Anderson Cooper declared him the winner. And he was shocked even more when, while accepting the award, Chavit Singson went on stage and stood beside him.

Beware of the Effects of Beer!

Randy has broken his leg and his buddy Mike comes over to see him. Mike says, "How you doin?" 

"Randy says, "Okay, but do me a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing."

Mike goes upstairs and sees Randy's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters lying on the bed.

He says, "Your dad's sent me up here to have sex with both of you."

They say, "Get away with ya.... prove it." 

Mike shouts downstairs, "Randy, both of em?"

Randy shouts back, "Of course both of em, what's the point of fuckin one?"

PINOY MATH

A woman says to her mother: 'I'm divorcing Pedro... all  he wants is anal sex and my asshole is now the size of a 50 cent coin when it used to be the size of a 5 cent coin.' 

Mother responds:  'You're married to a millionaire  lawyer ...you live in an 8 bedroom mansion in Ayala Alabang, you drive a Mercedes 300SEL; you get P20,000 a week allowance; you take 6 vacations a year and you want to throw all that away for 45 cents?'

Mother knows best.

During an IRS audit, the auditor looked at the tax payer and exclaimed...

... "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, and urinates all over the desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."

In the Pacquiao-Mayweather fight, the sharing should be AT LEAST 60-40 in favor of Manny. The catch-weight should be at 145, nothing heavier. Let Mayweather sweat and work for his money. He brings nothing to the table except his big mouth. Oh yes, and that of his father.

Marcos entry prompts Left to review alliance with NP

Satur Ocampo was imprisoned and tortured during the Martial Law regime of Marcos. He was released and politically rehabilitated after the EDSA Revolution led by Cory Aquino. Now, for political expediency, he's thinking of forming a "tactical alliance" with Bongbong Marcos, the son of the dictator who imprisoned and tortured him and shunned the offered alliance by Noynoy "Aquino, the son of the person responsible for his rehabilitation. Why? Marcos (and his NP ally Villar) have oodles of money, something Aquino and the LP don't have. Strange brew indeed - NP - KBL - NDF!

The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt. Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 95% when the belt is properly installed. Please see photo for correct installation.

Oxford Word of the Year 2009

Oxford Word of the Year 2009: UNFRIEND

UNFRIEND – verb – To remove someone as a ‘friend’ on a social networking site such as Facebook.
 
As in, “I decided to unfriend my roommate on Facebook after we had a fight.”

Light Bites

Light Bites: From Somewhere
Manny Pacquiao: Pacman
Mommy Dionisia: Pacmom
Krista Ranillo: Pacbet (Pambansang Ka__)

KRISTIE KENNEY bids farewell. She will be missed for the simple humanity and sympathetic energy with which she changed our expectations of what a US Ambassador can be. From "The Ugly American" to "An American Beauty". She has done both our nations proud. As America is in the heart, Kristie Kenney is from the heart of America! (And anyway, millions of Fil-Ams will welcome you Home!): Re-posted from Dean Jorge Bocobo's FB page. Sorry Dean but I couldn't have said it better!

Tony Abaya's Blog

Yikes! Tony Abaya's blog looks a lot like mine. Of course, the similarity ends there. His is way much better than my amateurish blog of mostly re-posts and commentaries of browsed pages. But it's flattering to see we have similar tastes...

KRISTA RANILLO: Knockout!!!

This has nothing to do with the Pacman; it's all about Krista! Warning: If your a prude, don't click on the link!

She must be making a bundle with her new-found fame (or notoriety!).

Happy Thanksgiving!

The day before Thanksgiving, an elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.
 
"We're sick and tired of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her." And he hangs up.
 
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like Hell they're getting a divorce," she shouts. "I'll take care of this."
 
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" And she hangs up.
 
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay, the kids will be here for Thanksgiving."

The Moral Imperative Facing Noynoy Aquino

This blog of Ding Gagelonia includes an in depth chronology of the saga of Hacienda Luisita, from 1956 to September 3, 2005. Read the facts, digest, and synthesize before you pass judgment. Frankly, the HL issue is the only thing holding me back from completely supporting Noynoy's candidacy.

Homos and Hetros

“The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love heterosexuals. It’s just that they need more supervision.” 

 ~ Lynn Lavner, an American comedian and musician from Brooklyn, New York. Much of her material is based around the facts that she is Jewish and a lesbian She is frequently billed as "America's Most Politically Incorrect Entertainer."

Hillary's Crush!

Hillary Clinton has unabashedly admitted she had a "crush" on Britain's youthful-looking, 44-year-old foreign minister David Miliband. Yes, he's definitely much younger than Lolo Bill!

Rotary Zone Institute Manila 2009

I'm attending the Rotary Zone Institute 2009 at the Dusit Thani Hotel, Makati City. It'll be a good time to renew friendships with Rotarians from other Philippine districts as well as from other countries like Taiwan, Thailand, Hong Kong, Singapore, Indonesia, Pakistan, and Bangladesh. Expected to attend are delegates from Rotary Zones 6B, 7A and 10B.

RISA for Senator!

Yup! I'm openly campaigning for RISA HONTIVEROS BARAQUEL for Senator. Hey, that's only 1 of 12 choices. I'm sure you'll find a way to include her in your list.

Whose election frame will dominate?

This Business Mirror article written by Manuel Buencamino clearly demonstrates that patronage politics still play a major influence on the electorate. Asked why they will vote for a candidate for president, 38% cited patronage politics-related reasons. Ever alert to the nuances of this survey, the hatchet men of moneyed candidates are busy preparing black propaganda issues against their boss's opponents.

INMATE SUES HIMSELF FOR $5 MILLION

An inmate who claimed he violated his own civil rights by getting arrested filed a $5 million lawsuit against himself - then asked the state to pay because he has no income in jail.

Robert Lee Brock, a prisoner at the Indian Creek Correctional Center in Chesapeake, filed a handwritten, seven-page lawsuit last month in federal court."I partook of alcoholic beverages in 1993, July 1st, as a result I caused myself to violate my religious beliefs. This was done by my going out and getting arrested," wrote Brock, who is serving 23 years for breaking and entering and grand larceny.

"I want to pay myself 5 million dollars," he continued, "but ask the state to pay it in my behalf since I can't work and am a ward of the state."

Judge Rebecca Beach Smith was unimpressed by Brock's ingenuity.

She dismissed the lawsuit Thursday as frivolous.

"Plaintiff has presented an innovative approach to civil rights litigation," Smith wrote. "However, his claim and especially the relief sought are totally ludicrous.

2012

LEFT vs RIGHT

A concept-map exploring the Left vs Right political spectrum.

Taint of Corruption Is No Barrier to U.S. Visa for Millionaire

This is another classic example of the double standard of the US government - spouting holier-than-thou slogans about good governance and human rights while openly violating these principles when it suits them. W Bush brought this duplicity to a new level of arrogance. Let's see what Obama does.

Militant solons, farmer groups intend to keep memories of Hacienda Luisita massacre alive

Manny Villar must be salivating at the prospect of a "tactical alliance" with left wing politicians like Satur Ocampo and Liza Maza. Fiery statements from this group indicate that they intend to keep the "memories of the Hacienda Luisita massacre alive." That's indeed a very damning issue against Noynoy Aquino.

Villar, with his deep pockets, can now buy high-caliber politicians to campaign for him and endorse him to left-leaning sectors of the electorate with a  pleasant bonus  - a legitimate issue against Noynoy! Such are the vagaries of Philippine politics where money can buy just about anything, including formerly principled and idealistic people, even whole movements!

This also gives a whole new meaning and perspective to "tactical alliance."

I'm happy classes have resumed. This should keep me busy and mentally alert. But this means less time for my current passions - FB and blogging. 

My Saturdays will also be consumed by my EdD classes at MSEUF. I have to travel to Lucena City (2 hours one way, so total 4 hours traveling time) to attend 3 hours of classes. Whoa! travel time is longer than my classes! But gotta bite the bullet if I really want to be a full-fledged doctor of education.

Hahaha! Still struggling with that endless paper chase even at age 55!

RINGSIDE!

I thought I saw my favorite FIRST SON Mikey Arroyo at ringside (as in RINGSIDE! as in the first row!) I could be wrong, of course, but maybe it was one of his wedding presents.
Hey, did you notice how young the ubiquitous (he was all over the ring!) Chavit Singson looked? You can damn him all you like about basking in M...anny's glory but he looked young and ready for his next paramour, di ba. Is this an advertisement for Dra. Belo or what?

QUOTES FROM GROUCHO MARX

Quotes From Groucho Marx (1890-1977)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water!

You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?

You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got into my pyjamas I'll never know.

There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of your fellow man.

I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

It is better to have loft and lost than to never have loft at all.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honour; which is probably more than she ever did.

Women should be obscene and not heard.

After his introduction on a music/variety show, Groucho and the host both sat down at center stage.
Host: "I'm a big fan of yours, Groucho."
Groucho: "If it gets any hotter in here I could use a big fan."

Do you think I could buy back my introduction to you?

Time wounds all heels.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like apple-sauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... Now you tell me what you know.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.

Whatever it is,... I'm against it.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Quote me as saying I was misquoted.

The Professional Heckler

The Professional Heckler
New Pol Ad
Have you seen Sen. Noynoy Aquino’s music video titled “Hindi Ka Nag-iisa?” Well, Sen. Manny Villar is coming out with his own music video titled, “Hindi Ka Nagdodoble.”